Contrary to popular belief, Islam’s teachings on gender roles allows for man and woman to complement one another beautifully. In today’s world, we often observe men and women pitted against one another. Anything you can do, I can do better! But according to Islam, there need not be this rivalry. Instead of this dichotomy resulting in competition between man and woman, Islam teaches us that is exactly what makes for a display of excellent teamwork between the two.
Division of Roles
It is important to note that the details of the exact division of roles can be flexible in practice. For example, according to Islamic law, a man is expected to be the financial provider for the home—but this does not prohibit a woman from earning her own money or also contributing financially to the household if she wants to do so. At the end of the day, however, the responsibility of this falls on the man.
In one narration from the Prophet Muhammad (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him), he says, “Each of you is responsible and will be asked about his responsibility…the man is responsible for [maintaining] his household and the woman is responsible for [the upkeep of] the house and children of her husband” (Bukhari).
From the above, we see that women are expected to care for the household chores and children. Again, this does not mean she will do everything domestically required to run the home on her own 24/7. Her husband will also contribute the way the Prophet Muhammed (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him) himself did. In another narration, the wife of the Prophet Muhammad (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him), Aisha, was asked about his work in the house. She said he would clean his own clothes, milk his goat, and tend to his needs (Tirmidhi). Again, we see that while the man’s role and the woman’s role are defined for us in Islam, they are flexible.
And of course, they need to be. No two families will look exactly the same. No two households will run exactly the same. There are single parents, households without children, joint families, multi generational homes, and the list can go on. In some households, one of the spouses may travel for work, and in another, somebody works from home. There are countless variables, so the flexibility of the law is very much welcomed.
Reframing A Mindset
As a woman who was born and raised in the United States, sometimes reading or hearing that the woman’s main role revolves around the kids and home does sting a little for me if I am being honest. But why is that? Why does it sting? Why are we framed to think the more important, honorable, and powerful role is earning money and financially supporting ourselves and others?
Oftentimes, even for Western women, choosing a lifestyle that falls into more of the traditional category of being a stay-at-home mother is frowned upon. How could she not compete with men in the workplace? Is her religion that backwards? Is she undoing the years of struggle women before her endured to even be mentioned in the same breath as men in this country? These thoughts I’m sure don’t only cross my mind, but the minds of other moms in the western world as well, Muslim or not.
If we reframe our mindset, we can paint another picture. Maybe she enjoys being a homemaker. She thrives on the time she spends with her husband and children. She does not feel the need to climb the corporate ladder, and her household income allows her to opt out of working a paid position, even if she is trained to do it. Her and her family’s decision to split the workload to run a family and home is not undoing or belittling anyone’s struggle before her. It is a different way of life that works for her and her full-time working husband. They are a team. Both fulfill their responsibilities, and just as importantly, both respect the importance of the other’s role.
The rampant rhetoric in our society has almost pitted man against woman to the point where each thinks it can survive without the other—but in reality, working together is the way toward a blossoming community. Islam gives us this. God says, “The believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give alms and obey God and His Messenger. Those—God will have mercy upon them. Indeed, God is Exalted in Might and Wise” (Quran 9:71).