At the height of the coronavirus pandemic, then high schooler Melanie Perez would cry every time she looked in the mirror. Her mind would not stop pestering her.
“What am I doing? What am I here for? What is my purpose? I had to really sit down with myself and reflect,” she says. “What I had been running away from for so long, for the last six or seven years, was what I needed most. I felt like I needed God, and I decided it was time for me to give religion a chance again.”
Struggles with Catholic Beliefs
Perez grew up in a Catholic home. Her family followed the ceremonial motions: Sunday school, communion, confirmation. Aside from these sacramental rites, however, Perez did not consider her family devout.
In fact, she herself did not even believe in Catholic theology. As a nine or ten-year-old child preparing for her first communion, Perez had a lot of questions. Her young mind could not wrap around what her teacher would say about God’s love for his creation.
“It never made sense to me. Why did God create a son for the sole purpose of killing him? Why does that show God’s love for us?” she said. “This is my mind as a child, [and it did not] sound like a merciful and loving God to me.”
When she took her questions to her parents or teachers, she was always dismissed. Faith was supposed to be enough—that was the beauty of religion, they would tell her.
“That was not enough for me,” Perez said.
Because her parents and older sisters were not that practicing, Perez concluded they too did not fully understand the religion. With everyone around her seemingly uncommitted to the faith, she quietly separated herself from Catholicism in eighth grade and considered herself an atheist.
Perez continued engaging in Catholic sacraments because of familial expectations, even though she did not believe. She did not feel any need to search for something new at that time.
But in 2020, with the first wave of covid in full swing, Perez experienced depression as life’s questions refused to leave her in peace. She decided it was time to revisit religion, and she started where she left off: Catholicism.
The concept of the Trinity ate away at Perez, and she eventually ruled out her former faith as well as other denominations of Christianity for the same reason. She then looked into Judaism, but did not find the notion of the religion being for God’s “chosen people” suitable for her. Perez then turned to a third Abrahamic faith: Islam.
Discovering Islam
“I remember like it was yesterday when I read the Five Pillars of Islam for the first time. What really drew me in about Islam was the simplicity,” Perez said. “I remember…feeling a wave of relief wash over me, because for the first time in my life, I had no questions.”
Perez spent a year researching Islam and was content with everything she found. A few months before she graduated high school, she took her shahada, declaring that there is no god but Allah and that His final messenger is the Prophet Muhammad (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him).
“Everything made sense…I struggled to find the words to describe this feeling,” Perez said. “I could finally breathe. All the running was over, and this is what I had been looking for.”
But finding the answers to life’s questions, although providing welcomed relief and purpose, did not come without challenges.
Before embracing Islam, Perez did not know any Muslims. Naturally, when she was unknowingly invited into a Muslim family’s home to tutor as she was considering accepting Islam, she was thrilled. But after some time, she realized the family was similar to her own. They practiced only minimal tenets of the faith and weren’t the role models she needed.
Disappointed, but not discouraged, Perez continued to learn about Islam on her own. Some months down the line as a college student, she decided to wear the hijab, Muslim head covering, ahead of her first Ramadan. She told her roommate, who wasn’t exactly pleased with the idea.
“When I started wearing the hijab, she did not want to be seen with me anymore. She would not get dinner with me anymore,” Perez said. “If I saw her outside of the dorm, she would act like she didn’t see me.”
Perez said her roommate didn’t even realize she was Muslim. Once she found out, her roommate grew uncomfortable and distant—a stark contrast to their previous nights during which she would keep Perez up late chatting about school, friends, and boys.
However, the situation with her roommate ended up being a blessing in disguise. It forced Perez to leave her dorm and find other people to spend time with. She discovered a local community holding an iftar, a get together to break fast. As she went to more community events, she became more practicing and her iman, her faith, grew stronger.
Perez slowly became more comfortable sharing information about Islam to her family members. They were apprehensive at first, especially her mother. But after noticing positive changes in her daughter, she too, has become more tolerant. Perez told her family stories about the prophets, God, and scientific miracles in the Quran any time a member of her family expressed curiosity.
“Becoming Muslim has just changed my perception of religion in general because I never thought that I would be a religious person,” she said. “I never thought I would be that kind of person that…is trying to give dawah [inviting others to Islam]. I thought those people [who] always talk about religion need to get a grip.”
Ironically—or rather, thankfully, beautifully amazingly—Melanie Perez herself is the one who got a grip, per se. She got a grip on those pesky questions her mind kept throwing at her about life, religion, and God. She found her answers in Islam.
If you happen to be searching for answers to life’s questions yourself, call 877-WHY-ISLAM. You deserve to know!