There are many sad, true stories of converts’ families rejecting or denouncing them because of their choice to follow Islam. Oftentimes, family members who are deeply religious are the ones who struggle most with accepting their loved one’s conversion. That is not always the case, though. The numerous ways my uncle, a Catholic priest, has supported me throughout my spiritual journey are beautiful examples of interfaith cooperation, family loyalty, and mutual respect.
A voice of reason
I know my choice to become a Muslim as a young adult was a shock to most of my relatives. Ours was a staunchly Catholic family for generations. Many of us, including me, attended Catholic schools, and there were priests and nuns on both my mother’s and father’s sides of the family. Growing up, I didn’t know a single thing about Islam. My religious studies classes throughout elementary and high school all focused on Catholicism, and even at my secular university, I did not learn anything significant about Muslims’ faith, cultures, or contributions to humanity.
Like me, my family knew very little about Islam, and the information they did have came mostly from negative stereotypes in movies and television. It is not surprising that they had many concerns and misconceptions when I first explained that I would be practicing Islam. In recent years, I’ve learned that they had many anguished conversations about me and my new faith when I wasn’t around.
I wasn’t there to defend myself when one of my family members proclaimed that I would be going to hell because I no longer believed that Jesus was both God and the son of God. Nor was I there to speak up when another one spoke scathingly about my modest wardrobe, particularly my headscarf. But it turns out that help came from an unexpected source: my uncle, the devout, educated, remarkably loyal Catholic priest.
If anyone in the family might have understandably been devastated about my conversion to Islam, it would logically have been him. However, over the past 24 years, my remarkably open-minded uncle has continually challenged those family members’ assumptions, dispelled their misinformation, and defended me and my faith.
To the one who insisted I would go to hell, my uncle said, “Show me where in the Bible it says non-Christians will go to hell. You can’t, because it’s not there.”
To the one who complained about headscarves, he asked, “Have you looked at the statues and pictures of the Virgin Mary that we have in almost every church? Mary always wears modest clothes and covers her hair. Catholic women used to be required to dress modestly and cover their hair in church. Nuns traditionally wear a habit and a veil. How can you criticize Laura for dressing modestly when it’s part of our faith, too?”
My uncle does not see Islam and Christianity as inherently irreconcilable. He realizes that we have many common beliefs and values, including a respect and love for Jesus (Prophet Isa, may peace be upon him), his mother Mary, and of course God, the Creator and Sustainer of everything. Like all Abrahamic religions, we believe in heaven, hell, resurrection, and the day of judgment. True, there are differences between us, but must that stop us from loving, understanding, and supporting one another? My uncle and I don’t think so.
A source of encouragement
Far from criticizing me or my faith, my uncle sends me encouraging messages quite often. He tells me he is impressed and proud that I practice my faith in God diligently by praying five times a day, fasting during Ramadan, and dressing modestly. He says he wishes all people were as God-conscious and devoted to their faith. He advises me and my children never to give up fasting Ramadan because it is an excellent form of spiritual discipline. My uncle even fasts in solidarity with us sometimes!
One of my favorite possessions is a beautiful set of amethyst tasbih (prayer) beads that he sent to me, along with a link to a recitation of the 99 names of Allah and a printout of those beautiful names. I treasure every word of support and thoughtful present he’s given me, particularly because I respect and love him so much. The fact that a few other family members continue to reject me stings less because I have my uncle by my side.
Unwavering family loyalty
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was raised by his beloved uncle, Abu Talib, who was known to be wise, just, and generous. This remarkable man remained one of the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) most steadfast, loving, and loyal supporters throughout his life, even when others opposed and oppressed him (peace be upon him). Although he never publicly declared himself to be a Muslim, Abu Talib proved to be one of the most influential, protective, and benevolent heroes in the early days of Islam. While I would never compare myself to the Prophet (peace be upon him), I think I can relate to his love and appreciation for an uncle who offered unwavering support, despite differences in belief.
Keep close ties
Family ties are extremely important in Islam, and new Muslims should make every effort to stay connected to their non-Muslim relatives, even those who are initially not very supportive or encouraging. If, however, someone is persecuting Muslims or an enemy of Islam, that is a different matter. It is permissible to break ties with them if they are abusive, violent, or so toxic that they jeopardize the convert’s faith.
In the Quran, God tells us:
Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair.
Allah only forbids you from befriending those who have fought you for your faith, driven you out of your homes, or supported others in doing so. And whoever takes them as friends, then it is they who are the true wrongdoers. (60:8-9)
Over time – and with patience, diplomacy, and reciprocal effort – many fraught relationships with family members can heal. Different perspectives can be shared and understood, leaving both parties with greater appreciation of each other’s beliefs and values. Mutual respect and support – for the sake of God, peace, love, and family harmony – are aspirations we can all aim to achieve, regardless of our religion.
If you are blessed to have some unwavering supporters like my uncle, cherish them. If you do not have any family members who support you, know that Allah is the Best Supporter and Protector: “And whoever puts their trust in Allah, then He is sufficient for them.” (Qur’an 65:3). He sees the sacrifices you’ve made. If you give up something for His sake, He will always give you something far better in return.