There is a saying of the Prophet Muhammad (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him), “Verily, the parable of good and bad company is that of a seller of musk and a blacksmith. The seller of musk will give you perfume. You will buy some, or you will notice a pleasant smell. As for the blacksmith, he will burn your clothes, or you will notice a bad smell” (Sahih Bukhari).
Growing Up Far from Familial Support
My parents moved from Iowa to California when I was two-years-old, leaving behind all their families. We moved again when I was nine, and my parents divorced when I was twelve. When I was sixteen, we moved again after my mother remarried. Needless to say, I did not make any long-term friends.
Our family situation was very problematic. Children are very vulnerable to stress in the home, especially when there is no extended family—no grandparents, no aunts, no uncles, no cousins to have as support. The underlying family dynamics caused me to be not close at all to my father and not as close as I would have liked to my mother. I definitely had feelings of loneliness, with my only emotional support being my younger sister.
My parents were mildly religious; they sent us to Sunday School for which I am grateful, as that gave me my strong belief in God and His Prophets, especially Jesus, whom I loved for his miracles and uplifting teachings. I did not think too much about the concept of the Trinity and the Nicene creed we occasionally recited in church. It never made much sense to me. I have always been a seeker. I once tried to build a crude altar out of rocks once like I imagined Jewish altars were, but I had no way to connect it back–no sunnah, or practice of the prophets, that outlined how it was done.
Finding Emotional Stability & Islam
I was not psychologically and emotionally strong, and I avoided controversies, especially about the nature of Jesus. My sense of self felt threatened, as I did not know what was true. I had a roommate from Mexicali in college and other Mexican/American female friends and went to Mexicali a few times to visit with my friend and her mother. For the first time in my life, I saw and was very attracted to close mother/daughter and female cousins’ bonds. It was the first time I had seen a strong extended family structure and realized how emotionally stabilizing it was. I became Catholic temporarily as I liked the campus Catholic services with guitar; it was not as attractive when I attended mass outside.
I met my husband Manzoor in college at the International Club and was very attracted to his strong sense of family and his stable nature, born from his faith and solid family upbringing with lots of extended family. I was also drawn to his self-confidence about his direction in life. I did not know much of Islam but learned that Jesus is not considered the son of God. I did not think too deeply about it. When we considered marriage, I agreed that it was better for both parents to be on the same page, religion-wise. There were very few Muslims at that time at the university, so my main reference for Islam was my husband.
At some point after marriage I got the book Islam in Focus, which I found very enlightening. One of the things that really impacted me was the fact that in Islam, there should be no separation between your faith and your treatment of human beings, even in the area of business. You had to be honest about whatever you were selling. My stepfather was a strong Christian, but he believed that you should give to God what belongs to God and to man what belongs to man (according to the Bible). In his belief, there was no problem not being transparent in business dealings which never made sense to me even when a Christian. I did not have any information for many years about the life of the Prophet (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him), unfortunately.
The plan was for Manzoor and I to get married in my parents’ house with a Presbyterian minister and then later that evening for me to convert to Islam and get married in a masjid. To give you an idea of my state—it never occurred to me to tell my parents that I planned to become Muslim. My step-father found out the night before we got married and was extremely upset, as he felt I would be condemned to hell if I were not a Christian. My mother was less concerned. She was more worried about any prejudice our children might experience.
After becoming Muslim, my husband and I moved a lot. We were in Iran, Austria, and Pakistan before finally settling back in the United States. In Iran, I fasted Ramadan for the first time and felt how fasting seemed to strengthen me internally and gave me a sense of peace. I was first introduced to mysticism or the spiritual aspect of Islam, sometimes called Sufism, and I found it very peaceful.
Islam’s Emphasis on the Inward and Outward
After we finally returned to the United States, I strove harder in my goals to attain closeness to God. My spiritual teachers always advised to begin gradually and then take on more and more practices as was comfortable and natural. This is especially important to remember. When a person first embraces Islam or even initially makes the decision to practice more, it can feel burdensome and overwhelming. Begin slowly and implement good habits like daily Quran recitation, supplication at particular prayer times, and sending blessings on the Prophet (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him).
The key point stressed is consistency—it is better for the soul’s development to do a little every day than to do a lot on one day and nothing on another day, although you are rewarded for everything good that you do for the sake of God. Along with this was to work on overcoming the negative characteristics of the self or nafs, such as anger, greed, arrogance and to try increase in positive virtues such as humility, patience, charity, kindness. In Islam, working on the inward character was emphasized just as the outward practice was given importance.
Without the experiences I had being in the presence of blessed people who taught me these things about Islam, I don’t believe I would ever be motivated to take on these practices by myself. My husband and my teachers—they are my perfume sellers. When I spend time with them, I always smell pleasant. Are you interested in Islam? Call 877-WhyIslam, you deserve to know!